How to Antagonize the Greek Community

Is this year's pledge class getting on your nerves? Release your frustration by poking some fun at your future employers.


Step1
Identify yourself as "The Roman Commander" and declare that you've dedicated yourself to destroying the Greek System.


Step2
Make broad generalizations about fraternity and sorority members during conversation. Good topics include alcohol abuse, irresponsible sexual activity, lack of individual identity and Tiffany necklaces. The phrase "buying your friends" is almost sure to hit a nerve with any Greek member.


Step3
Crash frat parties and make it your goal to be the person who taps the keg.


Step4
Most houses, especially sororities, already have derogatory nicknames based on a mispronunciation of their letters. Find out what these nicknames are and use them exclusively in place of the actual names. You can also make up your own.


Step5
Clap and sing in an obnoxious and overly enthusiastic manner when in the presence of sorority members.


Step6
Always refer to any fraternity member as "brah."


Step7
Feign interest in Greek rituals for the purpose of satire. For example, you might pose the following question to a sorority member: "So, what are the girls up to tonight? Smiling lessons followed by a round of 'Who's Daddy Has the Biggest Paycheck'?"


Step8
Obtain group photos of various houses, add sarcastic captions and thought balloons, and post them around your dormitory and other places on campus.


Step9
If someone you don't know strikes you as stereotypically Greek, approach the person and ask what house he or she belongs to. If your intuition is correct, you'll have the opportunity to explain which characteristics tipped you off, which will surely irritate the individual.